Art- The Start of My Woman

Who is this Woman?  

What will I call her when she is finished?

I set out on a challenge.  A challenge to create a piece of art that I have had in my mind for a very long time.

  She will be constructed in several stages.  

This is the first stage.  

I wanted to experiment with the colors and the 

flowers that I will be using in the final project. 

 For a long time after my accident,

 I saw most of life in very dull, grey hues.  

Over time, I began to find small amounts of peace.  

With the realization of peace, 

came an appreciation for the color 

that was slowly coming back 

into my perspective.

Nerves - The Story behind the Art

The Story behind -  Nerves

When you live in physical pain on a daily basis, 

you have a choice.

You can either dwell on the loss and un-comfortability 

or you can find the blessings of the moment.

  I believe that it is very normal to vasalite between the stark difference of emotions.  WE are physical beings.  It is up to us to become in-tune with the meaning of our experiences.  

I was extremely physically active prior to my accident.  I worked to achieve an "almost free from mortality" existence during each workout.  Following the accident, for a very long time, all I could feel was 

physical limitations and pain. 

The Brachial Plexus is a group of nerves that come from the spinal cord in the neck and travel down the arm.  These nerves control the muscles of the shoulder, elbow, wrist and hand, as well as provide feeling in the arm. 

 A brachial plexus injury occurs when these nerves are stretched, compressed, or in the most serious cases, ripped apart or torn away from the spinal cord.

Severe brachial plexus injuries can leave your arm paralyzed, with a loss of function and sensation.

Due to the severity of the impact of collision, 

my brachial plexus was greatly damaged.  

This left me with a loss of feeling, control and pain.  

 Essentially Nerves are the resident electricians of the body.  Unfortunatly they stink at repair jobs. The nerves that make up the brachial plexus, try as hard as they can to heal themselves.   Still, this results in constant nerve twitches and uncontrolled lack of use, often at very spariatic times. 

I fought my reality for a long time.

However, once I accepted and began practicing 

 living in a way I call,  "RAW" 

I have begun to see some of the most 

amazing gifts this world has to offer.  

Before my accident, I was always in a rush. 

 I appreciated the beauty around me 

that the world shared, but I never took time to 

truly listen to the lessons the Earth had to teach.

Living raw means we have no expectations.

 We do not live to control. 

We live to be guided by a power greater than us. 

Nerves

raw stripped away

by physical pain

left exposed

vulnerable

an apparent 

right of passage

for focused feeling.

grasping thin air

damage inhibits success

succumbed to

reality of weakness

gives way for new light.

- Laura Carnagie

Life with Bailey - Assistance Dog in Training

Eggs - Almond Milk - Juice - Bread - etc... Simple enough. 
Just a quick little trip to the grocery store.

Not so simple when the juice in on the bottom shelf!

After I've squatted as low as I can ---- If I am lucky enough to still be on my feet, which most of the time I am not!  --  I will kneel on all fours get that (now stupid- "why do I really need this") bottle of V-8 Splash...... Take a huge deep breath and use the shelving to pull myself back up to a standing position.... 

 I am sure the many silent bystanders  were certainly baffled as to why I did not just bend right over and pick it up..... is because I am not able to!

Looks can be deceiving!   I no longer have a surgery boot, bruises, crutches, wheelchair or a large brace on my back but my body was left with permanent damage.

It has been almost 3 years since my accident. 

Gone are the Olympic Dreams of Grandeur.... Here are the days of living to enjoy each moment of a lovely life. 


 I have adjusted to new goals in life.

Physical Therapy Exercises and walks around the block are my new workouts.  Concentrating on not dropping a glass of water has become my new Mental Training Session.  And snuggling with my family is now my best Post -Work- Out Recovery Time.

Reality is...  Life for me is VERY different than before my accident.  

Things I never had to put thought into when doing before, like laundry, cooking and cleaning now have to be planned out and scheduled.  

Needing to have a family member with me or staying close to home is not going to last forever.  As my children and my husband will not and can not be with me all the time,  I now turn to my next best helper...

Meet Bailey!

   

Bailey is a Lab -Mix. 
Dang they are so cute when they are small. 
Bailey joined our family as a little 7 week old puppy.

Teaching Bailey the skills necessary as an assistance dog must be done by a professional.   And only time will tell if she will "pass the test".

I must be able to trust that Bailey will be balanced in all situations.  She needs to be comfortable with all personalities & environments.  And it is imperative that I be able to rely on her ability in meeting my needs.

HELP!!!     We speak human and our sweet little puppy speaks dog!
  

A New Leash On Life is a non-profit organization.   Staffed by a group of precious people who care about making a difference in the lives of others.   They share their love and knowledge in training therapy and assistance dogs for those in need. 

 

Let the Work Begin! 

-Bailey,  Assistance dog in training...... 

 

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The Road of Life

Just a thought.

No matter what our upbringing was like-
No matter what abuse we've sustained-
Despite debilitating illness or injury-
What we feel - love - accept - believe and dream dictates our attitude to the road we are currently on......

Let the Sun Shine

 Sun and Serotonin

source

As I was in the middle of my surgeries and pain, I realized how important the sun was for me.

I have always loved to be in the heat.  I love to sweet and work hard.  I loved training!

I thought being on my workouts in the morning was the primary reason that I felt so good later in the day, however I have learned it was also due to the vitamin D that my body was soaking in.  

I was seeing first hand what a lack of vitamin D would do to a persons mood.  I was fighting not only the physical pain from the accident but also the lack of serotonin in my brain.  I was beginning to feel very frustrated!

 My doctor told me to stand in the sun with out sunglasses and allow my eyes and body to "soak up the sun" for a minimum of 20 min. twice a day!
 
Her reason:  Our serotonin  (the chemical responsible for mood elevation in the brain) levels are increased in the presence of the sun.

What a difference! Of course the warmth of the sun felt great but so did the effects of the sun on my brain!

When we are in the middle of an insurmountable event we must remember there are always things we can do to get through it.  

PTSD and Nightmares

Re-Occurring Nightmares

source

After someone is exposed to a traumatic event or experience they are likely to experience a few nightmares related to the traumatic incident that they experienced. 

Some people will experience recurring nightmares for a long period of time. These recurring nightmares play a large role and are a defining symptom in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

It is common for 71-96% of patients diagnosed with
PTSD to suffer from nightmares.  

The Mayo Clinic give great encouragement:

"Many people who go through traumatic events have difficulty adjusting and coping for a while. But with time and taking care of yourself, such traumatic reactions usually get better. In some cases, though, the symptoms can get worse or last for months or even years. Sometimes they may completely shake up your life. In a case such as this, you may have post-traumatic stress disorder.

Getting treatment as soon as possible after post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms develop may prevent long-term post-traumatic stress disorder. "

Why can I not sleep? 

I have asked my self this question over and over since my accident in May of 2011.  

After the onset of the accident and the physical pain that ensued, I found myself totally unable to find a comfortable position to sleep.  I lived on the family couch for just over a year and a half!  

I did not want to wake up my family as I struggled to sleep.  For much of the first year following the accident I slept less than a few hours a night and it would take all night to accumulate those hours.

photo source

The National Sleep Foundation states:

Some people with sleep problems and anxiety 

have post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD.

 PTSD is a reaction to a traumatic stressful event 

resulting in a feeling of a loss of control and an 

inability to help yourself in a bad situation. 

It’s often experienced by people 

who are in situations that range 

from combat to rape, 

but it can be caused by a variety of events.

I will be honest: At the beginning, I spent hours and hours awake at night crying due to the lack of sleep, physical pain and emotional drain.....

 

Feeling of Re-Occuring Fear

Amygdala

What's your amygdala got to do with Stress?

Repetitive exposure to triggers... means that it can take less and less to activate the amygdala and send you into high-alert. 

This can cause the feeling of being chronically alert and jumpy after exposure to trauma.

Source

Seat Belts Save Lives

 Seat Belts Save Lives

There is an auto accident that takes place, somewhere 

in the nation every 14 seconds!

 There are over 200 million drivers on the streets and highways of the United States,  & U.S. overseas territories.  

An average  30,000 persons  are killed and another 2.3 million drivers and other occupants suffer non-non fatal injuries per year.

The CDC states:    Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death in the United States among persons aged 5--34 years. 

Seat belts have been shown to be the most effective method for reducing injuries among adults in the event of a crash.

As a Nation we are using our seat belts more.   Self-reported seat belt use has continued to increase, reaching a high of 85.0% in 2008.   In 1982, only 11% of U.S. residents reported seat belt use.

We expect to be safe or that it will happen to someone else .... 

NOT ME!!!

My accident took place in Utah- By an adult driver, on dry clear roads around 8:30 in the morning.  I was wearing my seat belt and had been obeying the laws and rules of the road and it still happened to me.  

I too became one of the all-too forgotten statistics.

In Utah, the death rate per 100 million miles traveled equaled .93, which was lower than the United States total of 1.10.

However......

In 2011, there were 52,287 total auto accident injuries in the state of Utah. 

From fender benders to quadriplegic's  

we are just one of the numbers!